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There are times and days where we feel lost and weak. I remember telling my girl Mira last year that at those times, when I need to be lifted, empowered and reminded, this is the song I listen and sing to. My prayer to you reading this, may grace always follow you.

The Prayer

I pray you’ll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don’t know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe

La luce che tu hai
I pray we’ll find your light
Nel cuore restera
And hold it in our hearts.
A ricordaci che
When stars go out each night,
L’eterna stella sei

The light you have
I pray well find your light
Will be in the heart
And hold it in our hearts.
To remember us that
When stars go out each night,
You are eternal star nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede che
When shadows fill our day
How much faith there’s
Let this be our prayer
In my prayer
When shadows fill our day lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so well be safe sognamo un mondo senza pi violenza
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace, di fratern
We dream a world without violence
A world of justice and faith.
Everyone gives the hand to his neighbours
Symbol of peace, of fraternity la forza che ci
We ask that life be kind
Il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amor
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro
Another soul to love
The force his gives us
We ask that life be kind
Is wish that
And watch us from above
Everyone finds love
We hope each soul will find
Around and inside
Another soul to love let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer, just like every child need to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so well be safe
Need to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so well be safe la fede che
Hai acceso in noi,
Sento che ci salv
It’s the faith
You light in us
I feel it will save us

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Saya mau punya apartemen sendiri tahun ini. Saya mau meningkatkan karir saya. Saya mau trekking ke Kathmandu. Saya mau turun 10 kg. Saya mau bertemu my prince charming. Saya mau kembali sekolah lagi. Saya mau bahagia. Ini adalah berbagai hal yang orang inginkan setiap harinya…

Setiap tahun, kita pasti memiliki keinginan. Dan yang namanya manusia, setiap tahun keinginan itupun semakin banyak (Banyak Maunya – BM). Saya rasa, tidak ada yang salah memiliki banyak keinginan, tujuan maupun target. Itu semua yang memicu kita untuk membentuk kehidupan yang lebih baik bukan? Pertanyaannya: Bisakah kita mendapatkan semua yang kita inginkan?

“You will get everything you want when you BECOME everything you want.“

Then, saya menemukan kutipan ini: “Kamu baru akan mendapatkan semua yang kamu inginkan, ketika kamu menjadi orang yang kamu inginkan.”

Jujur, rasanya seperti agak ditampar sedikit dengan sebuah ciuman manis. It’s so true!

Selama ini rasanya saya pun lebih banyak fokus ke hal-hal yang saya ingikan dibandingkan diri saya sendiri. Memang saya tahu apa kekuatan dan kelemahan diri saya, tetapi memang jarang saya menanyakan ke diri saya sendiri, “Saya ingin menjadi orang seperti apa?” – nilai-nilai seperti apa yang saya ingin miliki dalam karakter dan kepribadian saya? Wow!

It’s not about what you do, but about who you are. Because who you are will be reflected in everything that you do.

Saya realize, semua bukan tentang hal-hal yang saya lakukan tetapi tentang siapa saya, karena siapa saya akan tercermin dalam setiap hal yang saya lakukan.

Saya terinspirasi untuk sekali lagi fokus ke diri saya terlebih dahulu, dibandingkan ke hal-hal duniawi lain yang saya inginkan. Saya ingin menjadi diri saya yang terbaik (the best version of me), seseorang yang benar-benar hidup berdasarkan nilai-nilai, seseorang yang walk the talk. If I learn anything this year, this is the year to walk to talk.

So, who am I? Siapa saya?

Saya lalu merumuskan nilai-nilai yang saya anggap sangat penting bagi diri saya dan menuliskannya dalam sebuah surat untuk diri saya sendiri. Kamu bisa membacanya di sini. Dan setiap kali saya membaca surat ini, sekali lagi saya terinspirasi dan termotivasi untuk terus menjadi diri saya yang terbaik. This is me! This is who I want to become.

This is what I want for 2010. Di tahun 2010 ini, walaupun sudah jalan 5 bulan, saya ingin menjadi diri saya yang terbaik. This is the year to focus on ME! Karena saya tahu, kalau saya bisa menjadi diri saya yang terbaik, saya pun akan mendapatkan semua yang saya inginkan dalam hidup

How? One day at a time. One value at a time.

Kalau kata teman saya, “I think I can. I believe I can. I know I can. I can. I am.” Kalau saya bisa melangkah 1 langkah saja setiap harinya, di akhir tahun ini saya sudah menjadi orang yang jauh lebih baik dari saya hari ini. Tetapi, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Saya mulai dengan hari ini. Hari ini, saya sudah satu langkah lebih maju.

Now, my friends, kamu sudah tahu kamu ingin jadi orang seperti apa? Let’s suit up! Tell me who YOU want to become…

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Jika kamu tinggal di Jakarta, kamu pasti tahu bahwa Jakarta bukan tempat yang mudah untuk mendapatkan cinta. Bukan cinta semalam, bukan cinta segitiga ataupun cinta semata. Tetapi true love. Cinta dengan suatu kualitas yang dicari setiap orang, terlebih kalau kamu termasuk the single 30-somethings.

Pembicaraan sepulang kerja, dipojokan bar favorit diantara empat wanita pun, yang dimulai dari pekerjaan dan keluarga akhirnya mengerucut menjadi tentang cinta. Sambil meneguk minuman favorit masing-masing, bergantian kita bercerita. Satu baru mulai jatuh cinta. Satu baru saja kembali patah hati. Satu bingung mau dibawa kemana cinta-nya. Dan, yang satu, baru saja punya crush dengan seseorang yang baru dikenal. Diskusi malam itu menjadi “so, what would love do?” – apa yang cinta akan lakukan?

Love will bring out your best self.

“Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.” ~Unknown

Yang sedang jatuh cinta glows - dia bersinar. Ia pun tidak ingat kapan terakhir Ia bersinar. Semua yang melihatnya pun mengakuinya. It is very electric. Lucunya, cinta telah membuat dia jatuh cinta kepada dirinya terlebih dahulu: Ia lebih rajin pergi ke gym, Ia makan lebih sehat, ia lebih terbuka kepada orang lain, Ia pun lebih pe-de. Selanjutnya, she is in so much joy, sehingga “keberuntungan” pun mulai mendatangi dirinya. Berbagai job offers baru pun Ia dapatkan. Ia banyak bertemu orang-orang baru yang mengagumkan. Ia pun menjadi lebih berani dalam mengambil resiko. Wow! Dia mengatakan, “yang terbaik adalah, dengan dia.. I can be myself.” Cinta membuat dirinya nyaman dengan dirinya sendiri. Cinta membuat dia nyaman mencoba hal-hal baru, seperti rasa takut itu tidak ada. Memang, tidak ada hal yang pasti, tetapi cinta membuat dia merasa nyaman, berani dan hidup – cinta telah menjadikannya a better version of herself. That’s when you know… Read the rest of this entry »

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Just for today: dance!

“And I’m on my knees, looking for the answer.
Are we human, or are we dancers?”
- Human, The Killers

As the question continues in my head, I wonder, am I human or dancer? Do I have to be either or or? Am I not both?

In each of us exists a being. And I also believe, in each of us exists a dancer. With that said, what differentates a human being and a dancer? In my book, this is how I define them.

Human.
Vulnerable beings trapped in a worldly world, bound my emotions, desires and expectations. Thus, we always say that “We’re only human” – because we’re leaving spaces for mistakes and imperfections.

Dancers.
Inspiring beings, so connected to the music and rhythm of life that they not bound by emotions, desires nor expectations. They feel and express feelings with all of their being, do things with full energy and commitment, do not worry about what the audience feel about their performance — because all they care is to create, express and their own feelings when they dance.

In some ways, this is why people are always attracted to and mesmerized by dancers. And when you begin to observe many dancers, you realize that those you love most are not the ones who have the best technique, but those who are so into the dancing themselves. You can see their passion in their eyes and movement – even if it’s just a flick of a finger. It’s like energy radiating so bright that even though you sit 50 rows behind, you can still feel their emotion. At times, you also realize that you’ve held your breath from watching them. They are that hypnotizing.

So, as I grow with this life, I watch myself. I sometimes catch myself being a human and other times being a dancer. I have danced through this life may it be in rain, thunderstorm, darkness and even on sun shine, beaches and heaven. And at times, I have let myself just to be human – to be drowned in emotions, desires and expectations.

When I’m dancing through this life, that’s when I feel most alive – the feeling of being connected to every bits of life. Joy and enthusiasm fill my being. Energy is flowing. Though the body is tired, the soul is rejuvenated. It’s the feeling of being in love for no reason at all – just for being alive itself. Everything I do seem effortless. I don’t have the need to control, judge or change anything. I feel free. The soul is filled with gratitude. I am lost for words. And the only thing I can do is smile. I am the luckiest girl alive indeed.

When I let myself be human, that’s when I feel vulnerable. The feeling of having no control over anything. I feel lost and without direction. That’s when I feel is the hardest to trust and have faith in things. I doubt. I think. I contemplate. I am without confidence. I question myself and this life. I find it hard to move. I find myself without energy and focus. I find myself just living in routines, trapped by responsibilities and expectations for myself and other people.

I’m not saying that one thing is better than the other, because I know we cannot appreciate one without realizing the other. So I’ve embraced both the human part and the dancer part of me. I’m giving myself time to be human for some time and be a dancer at other times.

So, are we human or are we dancer? We are both my friends. Though we are born human, learn to be a dancer in this life. And one day this life and we shall be the dance itself.

Like Osho said, “Life should be a dance; it can be a dance, it is meant to be a dance. That’s my message: love life, and with such intensity, with such fire, that you can reach to the optimum of your being.”

So, my friends. Let’s be dancers with such fire. Even though, at the end, I learn that what makes us great such dancers are because we are human.

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Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~ Unknown

Growing up is a process, not an event.
~ Paul B. Jamison

I had a wonderful lunch with a beautiful lady who is also my mentor and friend. She’s actually one of my mom’s friend, a smart, kind and loving woman who’s already like my own mother. I haven’t seen her for a while and it was good to catch up with her over Italian food. And today, we talked about life and growing up.

She has witnessed my growth in the past few years. She has witnessed my anger, disappointment, insecurities and even immaturity in the past – but today, I told her that I think now I understand what it means to grow up.

Talking to one of the assistants at work, she is so afraid of getting older, of growing up – because she believes that she has more responsibility. She keeps comparing herself to other people, how she is not as successful as others with her age. She has so many dreams and things she wants to accomplish and age is not a good reminder. She’s cute. It makes me think about my experience in “growing up”.

Growing up, for me, means taking full responsibility of your own life. What does it mean by “taking full responsibility”?

• by not blaming others when you’re feeling bad, sad, angry or even disappointed
• by not complaining in whatever situations you are in
• by not taking pity of yourself
• by not comparing yourself with others
• by not being defensive when someone gives you their opinion

but..

• by seeing all adversaries as an opportunity to grow
• by learning from every moment and experiences
• by being able to appreciate and thank all the things that happen in our lives
• by being able to see the beauty behind all the pain
• by challenging yourself to come out of your comfort zone
• by taking charge of your own life
• by loving who you are.

Growing up is being able to say “I create everything that’s going on in my life – may they be good or bad.”

• I create all the pain, disappointments and unhappiness. But I also create all the beauty, joy and love in this life.
• I create all the bad lucks. But I also create all the magic and miracles.

Like what Albert Ellis said, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”

So, have I grown up? In some ways, yes – because I’ve realized all those, especially that I am the one in control of my own happiness and success. But then, I also know that growth has no limits, so I have every possibility to learn and grow everyday. I don’t think I can ever be a “grown up” because I don’t really know what that means. But I’d like to think that I’ve made the effort to grow everyday – reminding myself each day that the only way I can be truly happy with my life if I can take full responsibility for it so that I continue to have best years.

So, I leave you with this quote by Henri Bergson, “To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” Maybe that’s why my name has the word “Braman” in it – taking from the Hindu God of Creator, so that I can keep creating myself endlessly.

Thank you life, for giving me the opportunity to grow.

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