I keep asking myself, again and again, what is happiness? Is what I’m feeling now called happiness? or is it called joy? or bliss? or in-spirit? Oh how how I wish I can put it to words.
When you wake up one morning and there is this overwhelming feeling of gratitude, what is it called? When you can’t help yourself but to stop, take the biggest breath you can take, and all you can do is smile in awe – and not sure why either. You don’t have any thoughts, you don’t have any words, just a smile. You can feel your heart expanding every moment, as if taking you have a bigger capacity to take in more air into your lungs. You feel bigger, bigger than your own body, space and being. As if the whole world is in slow motion.
And no, the sun isn’t particularly shining and bright today – it’s actually cloudy. And no, I don’t wake up to the ones I love – I am still single living alone in my own place. And no, they are still the same birds outside my windows – though their songs sound a bit different today. And no, I didn’t hear of any good news this morning – I even heard bad news, a father of a friend dying, and another friend battling cancer. But, for some reason, I am enveloped by something bigger than me. And I cannot describe the feeling. And I don’t feel I have to.
It’s the feeling of being connected to something bigger than me – a space, energy, I’m not sure what. I feel connected to all things before me, even this desk I am writing on. It’s like touching and connecting with it for the first time. When I put my hand upon it, it speaks to me – without words, I understand. And it’s with everything. I keep gazing from one object to another, each seems to want to speak out to me, to connect with me, looking for me, touching my soul. The pillow now is not just a pillow, the rug is not just a rug, the desk is not just a desk, the birds are not just birds… even the air, this air that I breath feels and tastes different.
I can feel my heart beats through every single cell of my being, even in the tip of one of my fingers. I can feel the oxygen spreading through each of my blood-cell, expanding them.
The whole world has come alive before me. I have come alive before me. Yet, I don’t have to do anything. I am still sitting here smiling, feeling a blanket of warmth surrounding my body.
In silence, I speak to this new world, “Thank you.” Not even a whisper, not even a sound – just to acknowledge how thankful I am that the whole world has opened up before me, invite me in and make me a part of it. I am one with them now. With all of you. I am honored. I am humbled. So again, “Thank You.”